In the day, I was walking down the street.I saw a dog, blinded by gravel and fury, turning to bite its owner who was trying to clear its eyes. The owner cursed, then withdrew his arm and started beating his dog, whos eyes had by now cleared and could recognise his master.Now the dog cowered away from the man, not once trying to defend itself.
What is loneliness? The instant you realise you are alone really alone, or the time when it starts getting to you, and you yearn for somebody, anybody, to dissipate it. If different seasons, bring different friends, I'd rather have my whole life be a winter. I'd brave the cold if only to know that whoever came to my door had beaten a purposeful and single route to it, and none of it was an accident at all. Then only would the fire inside burn warm.
I remember seeing a couple roller blading in the morning sun, glinting off wet leaves black tarmac and grass and soil. The girl fell down on the grass blades, and refused to get up even when offered a helping hand. She sat resolutely, pouting and dusting her hands off on equally dirty knees. So her better half flopped down next to her, flat on his back, wincing as he hit the ground harder then he meant to. Later, skates danging, he piggybacked back up the path to the bike rental store.
The last time you called me you yelled excitedly down the connection that you wanted me to hear something. I though it would be a prank, that was all I expected of you.But you had somehow divinated that I had a rough day, and played me a song, balancing the phone on a music stand so I could hear your amazing, amazing clear tenor as you sang for the first time in over a year, a whole song. The only time I had ever felt a guitar sounded good down the phone, and it remains the only good one till this day.
Staring wont make them disappear you know. Them? them- his tattoos, my scars. My paleness next to your ebony. It will always be this way. The children that seem too dirty to live in a mothers home, the man thats too lonely to have a home. Her lisp, the wheels that are where her legs should be, the way his arm no longer exists. The old woman on the corner who looks so, so cold.And alone. Look all you want, but eyesight doesnt perform magic tricks just like that.
Today I learned that life can be put into six words. Just six. I wonder if when you read those six words, you'll think what I'm thinking?
At night, I looked out the window. I wish I could see stars from where I am right now. You know where my heart is, I just happen to live here. You used to live here too, hating it except when you were happy. The only thing thats burns the sky is the moon, not quite round but not a crescent either, kind of flattened on one end. Its all I have to look at in the sky, so I sit and stare and remember how your eyes used to look when you saw my soul and realised what it meant when I said I trusted you, and soon salt starts to crust the crests of my cheeks, so I close my eyes and try to remember what your shoulder feels like. If I keep crying, does it mean I have failed?
Now I'm growing older, I'm learning to hear with my eyes. I wonder when I'll go blind?
